| hey.
i changed my mind.
i dont want you to read the previous entry. not yet. maybe not ever. >_<
sorry.
i copped out.
brumski
p.s. - read the icon on the side, signed by God. its funny. |
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| once apon a time, i wanted to like someone. but i could like them the way they were. no, we couldnt have that. so i tried ot change him. i thought he was doing so much better. he was. he was making himself better. i was proud, i called him my project. if he knows i called it that, he woudl hate it. i loved him, i cared about him, he was my best friend.
i failed him.
i tried to create him, i destroyed anything i was trying for. he got worse and worse when i saw him getting better, and it was because of me
i did it to someone else too.
the first person tells me, it was me.i kniw ti
the second, denies it. i know it.
im never going to try to change someone again. im not going to help anyone. i thought u were suposed to try and help peoples lives get better. i only mad eit worse.
im sorry.
and now, im letting it go. forgive and forget, let go and LET GOD.
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| |
| hm... i guess my xanga is dead.. |
| |
| meh.
life sucks and then you die
so fuck a whore and zip your fly
drink a beer and smoke a joint
and hope the world will get your point
when you shoot your boss and have some fun
walk up the street and die someone
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| |
| wow. rally is coming up. and im on good terms with everybody, mostly
but i havnt spoken to Pluto. i dont know what happened
..no people, you can not blame it on distance. George, Meeshka, and
Chris and I are still talking, not as much as we used to, but i still
knwo they are alive and well. Chris isnt so, but i know that cuz i keep
in touch.
you cant blame it on time, cuz she has a phone, i
have a phone, if she can call justin she can call me one night a month
just to check in instead of justin, cant she?
im not blaming
her, i didnt call her much either. but thats cuz when i did, i left
messages. like when i was at disney. and i left her comment on xanga.
i shoulda known the love we had wouldnt last. and im fine with that.
i didnt expect ti to last, it was to good to be true.
i miss the friendship. i miss knowing that nomatter how upset i am, i
can call her and she will have time to talk to me. i miss knowing that
i can cry to her, happy for sad. i miss crying about her. the songs i
woudl write, the way i could FEEL my face light up anytime someone said
her name, or if i said her name. i would mention something about her,
and someone would say, who is Pluto? and i would be so happy.
but most of all, i miss her spirit.
it saddened me that she thought of herself as low, and not great, and
not the most wonderful person in the world,like i though she wa.s
but i thought i could make her feel better about herself.
shortly after i realized what she thought of herself, we stopped talking...
we were separated.
no longer was it distance, or time. it was excuses, and away messages. other places, other people.
and i let it go. and now, i want to grab it back. like i did with George... ill fix it. i hope...
our thoughts are prayers, and we are always praying.
our thoughts are prayers, listen to what your saying
seek a higher conciousness
a state of peacefullness
and know that God is always there
and every thought becomes a prayer |
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